When we design your interfaith wedding ceremony with you, we first talk about an interfaith marriage in general; the issues you may be facing and how to handle them as well as how to turn some of the challenges into advantages. We often suggest that you ask for input from your families. This, in certain cases, may be very important. After you decide what you wish to include in your wedding ceremony, we go to work on putting it all together for you.

 

Interfaith Beach Wedding

Interfaith Castle Wedding

Using a large tablecloth made especially for the bride (A Christian Tradition) as material for the Chuppah. A Chuppah is the canopy under which the wedding ceremony takes place. It is an important part of the Jewish wedding. The actual meaning of the word is simply “cover”. It symbolizes the coming together of the Bride and Groom under one roof. It is open from all directions to symbolize open mindedness of the new couple towards each other as well the couple’s open heart to whomever may need their help. Some couples choose to use a canopy that has been created by a friend or family member, one that has been used in the family before, or one that is made from a fabric which is meaningful to the couple (such as from Grandma’s holiday tablecloth, a relative’s prayer shawl, etc.) While no similar custom exists in the Christian tradition (a similar custom does exist in other cultures, though), there is a beautiful old Christian custom that the mothers of the groom and bride sew together a special table cloth with a special blessing for peace in the house to be used as the first table cloth of the young couple’s kitchen. In combining these two traditions, a Chuppah can be made of a special large cloth decorated with a special blessing for the newlyweds. Just remember that the size must be able to accommodate at least the bride, groom, the officiant(s) and a small table.

Chappah at House Wedding

Simple Cloth Chuppah

Another Hand-Held Chuppah

Another Simple Chuppah

Holding a candle during the ceremony

Jewish and Christian Traditions:

Holding candles in a religious ceremony is common to many cultures. It is not the fire which is the spiritual symbol but the light it gives off. In some Christian and Jewish weddings relatives hold candles throughout the entire ceremony. There is also a Jewish tradition that only the parents or immediate family members hold candles in order to bring a special sacredness to the wedding.
 

Lighting the Unity Candle

Lighting a Unity Candle has become very popular in Christian and Interfaith weddings. Three candles are placed on or near the altar before hand. Two single taper candles are lit by the mothers of the bride and the groom, or other persons of their choice. Together the participants use these candles to light a center pillar candle called ‘The Unity Candle’. During this ceremony a prayer or poem can be read ether by the officiant or another member of the wedding party. Sometimes the Bride and Groom choose to light the candle themselves, thus signifying the beginning of a new life as one spiritual entity. The Unity Candle also brings together two families and cultures.

Circling the Groom

According to an old wedding custom which is common to a few cultures, the bride and her parents circle the groom at the beginning of the wedding ceremony. The number of circles varies from three times in a Greek Orthodox wedding to seven times in the Jewish tradition. The circle is a universal symbol of wholeness and unity.

Combining Both Traditions:

It is possible to combine these two lovely customs of the Unity Candle Lighting and Circling the Groom into one. Here the two mothers, each holding a candle, would circle the Groom together with the Bride and then together light the Unity Candle.  

Escorting And Unveiling The Bride:

In the Christian tradition, the father escorts his daughter down the aisle and symbolically places her hand in the hand of the groom thus ‘giving her away’. In the Jewish tradition both parents escort the bride and the groom to the Chuppah. In some interfaith weddings where these rituals are important to both sides, a combination of the two can be used. Some modern couples often choose not to be escorted at all.

Veiling and Unveiling of the Bride:

The common explanation for this ritual dates back to the Biblical time of Jacob who intended to marry his cousin Rachel. Laban, his uncle and future father-in-law veiled both Rachel and her sister Leah and switched the two. Jacob did not bother to unveil the bride prior to the wedding ceremony. The next morning he discovered he had married Leah. Jacob had to work for seven extra years in order to marry Rachel. The unveiling of the bride reassures the groom that he is indeed marrying the right bride. In the Orthodox Jewish tradition the groom unveils his bride when the guests begin to arrive (before the ceremony itself) to insure that he is marrying the right bride and also to allow the guests to congratulate the bride without the veil on her face. This ritual is called “Bedeken”. The Groom places the veil back on the Bride’s face right before the ceremony begins. There is an interesting explanation for this custom. It is believed that on her wedding day the bride is given spiritual powers to protect her groom, herself and their future family. In certain Non-Jewish traditions that strength is being bestowed upon the bride by Mother Mary, while in the Jewish tradition it is the Shechina, the female essence of God who gives the bride this gift. This invisible protective energy radiates from the Crown Chakra (A Hindu term for the body’s spiritual energy centers) and makes the bride’s face shines bright. The unveiling of the bride and the exposure of the bride’s radiant face insures the most effective protection to her future family. However, Jewish orthodox tradition calls for the bride to be covered with the veil again during the wedding ceremony. This is done so that her physical beauty or any other “earthly” factors would not influence the spiritual bond between the bride and the groom, during the ceremony. While some brides choose to omit the veiling and unveiling altogether, many brides continue to wear a wedding veil or a hat.

Ringing Finger Bells and Unveiling the Bride

Unveiling the bride before entering the Chuppah is an old Jewish custom and sounding bells during or at the end of the wedding is an old Christian custom. Having the bridesmaids ring small finger bells as the groom unveils his bride is indeed a wonderful combination of the two beautiful customs.

Incense Burning

Although burning of incense of a part of a Catholic wedding the use of incense was very much a part of the Jewish wedding ceremony in ancient Israel. It came to symbolize prosperity and fertility. Burning incense can also enhance the sacredness of the wedding ceremony. However, since some people are sensitive to certain smells and could be troubled by the aroma, careful consideration should be made before implementing incense as part of your ceremony.

Because of the variety of ethnic traditions available, many couples choose to create their own variation on wedding customs to fit their taste and their desire for self expression. Many Brides and Grooms borrow customs from various cultures. The possibilities are endless and are limited only by the imagination.

Unity

An expression of uniting the bride and groom into a couple as well as bringing together two families could be done in many ways. Some examples are:

Flowers

Members of the two families are given two different color flowers; each person holds one flower and at the beginning of the ceremony they all place their flowers one at a time in a vase as a sign of unity. This can also be done only by the bride and groom at the beginning of the ceremony using their choice of colors as a sign of unity. Combining the right color flowers would yield a magnificent floral display, which could be placed on a small table near the bride and groom. Naturally, there are numerous variations on this idea.

Seashells

The same ceremony can be done with seashells, small stones, different colored sand, etc.

Sand Ceremony

In the sand ceremony the bride and groom pour two separate glass containers of sand into a common glass vessel. The grains of sand in the two separate containers are a representation of the many events and experiences which shaped both the Bride and the Groom into who they are as unique individuals. Just as the sand from two separate containers cannot be separated, so do the lives of the bride and the groom become as one.

The Ring Ceremony

In a Jewish ceremony the ring ceremony is relatively short. The couple places the wedding ring on each other’s ring finger saying one sentence only in Hebrew and repeated in English. “With this ring I (the name) consecrate you to be my lawful wife in accordance with the laws of Moses and Israel”.

Vows

In non-Jewish traditions the ring exchange is part of the marriage vows. Many couples choose to write their own vows, some write a poem. Some couples choose to observe a moment of silence while looking at each other and then place the ring on each other’s finger to the sound of a soft melody. A natural combination of these customs would be to recite wedding vows prior to the ring ceremony and then follow the Jewish tradition and recite a special sentence while placing the ring on each other’s finger.

Combining Traditions of Honoring Those Who Helped Raise the Bride & Groom:

The Jewish blessing of thanksgiving, the “Shehehiyanu”, which marks the appreciation for any special occasion, could be combined with the modern American custom of recognizing all who helped raise the bride and groom. In a spiritual sense it is recommended that any recognition will take place right before the ceremony begins, just as the wedding party is ready to begin walking down the aisle, and not during the ceremony itself.

The reason for that is that the groom’s energy and the bride’s energy unite into one during the wedding ceremony. Highlighting other people during the ceremony could take away from the intensity of that bonding (this is true in a gay wedding ceremony as well). Therefore the “Shehehiyanu” could be recited and then followed by the recognition ceremony which could take many forms: A poem, a self-written note, a special bouquet etc. The only drawback is that only the wedding party is present during this ceremony. Rest assured, however, that the honorees will be extremely touched and will not mind the small audience.

Special recognitions and a Jewish blessing of Thanksgiving

Remembering and honoring the deceased the day of the wedding ceremony or in the ceremony is part of Jewish and Christian traditions. It is customary to honor the memory of loved ones or a close friend who has passed away.

Minutes before the wedding ceremony begins. The hand-held Chuppah is ready to be unfolded (on the right). A candle is placed on the table to honor the soul of a loved one who passed away.

In Jewish tradition the spirits of family members from previous generations are present in the ceremony as a way of both celebrating with the family and also protecting the bride and groom from an ‘evil eye’. In some Jewish circles it is customary to visit the graves of deceased parents or grandparents prior to the ceremony and to invite them to come and enjoy the festivities. In the Christian American tradition, remembering a deceased family member or a friend is done by placing a photo on the altar, by including a moment of silence, a special reading, a favorite song, leaving a flower on an empty seat or the lighting of a candle in their memory. Interfaith weddings often combine several of these customs.

Wine Blessing, Bread Sharing & Water Ritual

The Jewish ritual of blessing the wine is called the “Kiddush”. It is a major Jewish custom which sanctifies all Jewish holidays and religious celebrations. In the case of a Jewish wedding, the Kiddush symbolizes more then just the blessing over the wine, which makes any ceremony sacred. It is also the act of sharing of the wine by the bride and groom that actually makes the ceremony whole and complete. Sharing basic food during a ceremony is important in many Christian traditions as well. In addition to the Eucharist in the Catholic tradition, other Christian customs also share a small piece of bread or a small amount of grape juice or even a small sugar cube during the ceremony.

The Jewish wine ritual represents the goodness of the earth. The Christian tradition of sharing of bread represents both the body of Jesus as well as the wish that all the couple’s basic needs will be fulfilled. Incorporating these traditions makes for a blend of two beautiful traditions. However, it is important to remember that in the case where bread is used in a marriage ceremony itself, a Jewish blessing over the bread should not be recited since it is not being followed by an immediate meal.

In many cultures bread, salt and water are considered not only essential nourishment but also sacred.  God supplied the Israelites with bread in the  form of manna. That is why the bread is also a symbol of the “Shechina”, the presence of God’s female essence among the people of Israel.  In both  Jewish and Christian traditions water is considered the strongest spiritual cleansing agent. Therefore, both bread and water are important parts of many ceremonies.

Reading of sacred text:

In Christian traditional weddings the reading of Biblical text is common. The recitation of biblical text in an interfaith wedding is a wonderful way to remind all of us of our commonality.